Whether it has been 2 weeks or 2 years, relationships are tough and sometimes you find yourself stuck in a slump of not being able to move on.
While there are many reasons for not getting over an ex, most of the time it is the things you do to yourself that is keeping you from moving forward.
Read through this checklist first to decide whether or not you are not over your ex and then make a conscious effort to move forward from your past and drop those bad habits that are keeping you from doing so.
Is This You?
- Do you find yourself longing or a text or call from your ex?
- Do you constantly focus on past memories wishing for more happy times with your ex?
- Do you drunk call, text, or FB your ex on the regular?
- Do you stalk your ex’s Facebook religiously? Do you stare at pictures of the two of you wishing for happier times?
- When you are drunk, do you find yourself talking about him/her with your friends?
- Do you secretly wish to run into him/her at a bar, party, or on-campus?
- Do you try to plan ways to “accidentally” run into your ex at a bar, party, or on-campus?
- Do you get super jealous when seeing him/her with someone else or hearing about it?
- Do you consciously try to “look good” when out in public in case you run into your ex?
If you answered yes to more than one of the above, it sounds like you have a case of “hung-up-on-the-past.”
But don’t worry, there are ways to treat with a broken heart, and depending on your situation, the remedies can vary.
If You Are Still Talking to Your Ex:
STOP! Part of the reason you are having so much trouble getting over this person is because you continue to talk to him/her. Every time you send a text or take a call, you are extending the period of time it takes to get over your ex.
The only way you can let someone go from your life is to temporarily remove them from it.
I am not saying you have to shut this person out of your life forever, but in order to get over your ex, it’s something you both have to accept and STICK TO if you want to move on.
If You Are Still Hooking Up With Your Ex:
Same deal: Cut.it.out. Do you honestly think that kissing or hooking up with your ex when drunk (or worse, sober), is going to help either one of you move on? No, it’s only going to prolong your misery.
If you want to see other people (or at the very least stop seeing your ex), then you need to tell him/her the truth. Explain that you cannot see this relationship getting better or moving forward from your breakup and that hooking up will only hurt you both in the long-run.
Explain to your ex that you don’t think these late-night booty-calls are going to work for you anymore and that if you both want to move on and see other people, hooking up randomly (or on the regular) just isn’t an option.
If None of the Above:
If you are no longer in contact with your ex, but you feel like you still can’t move on, there are still ways you can help yourself.
You Know What They Say…Over vs. Under:
We all know the saying: in order to get over your ex, you have to get under someone new, meaning start hooking up with someone else.
While this may work for some of you, I personally would not recommend this…at least night right away. You are still feeling vulnerable and sad over your last breakup; you still have feelings for someone else, so why would you want to complicate the situation by adding more drama to your life?
Don’t sleep with the first person who shows you a tiny bit of attention; you will only end up feeling worse about yourself, not better.
Why? Because of your state of vulnerability, you may put false expectations on this random hookup.
Because you are longing for your past relationship. you may subconsciously view this hookup as your relationship replacement: out with the old and in with the new. However, the person you are hooking up with may not feel the same way and you may end up crushed yet again.
Start TALKING to someone new, flirt, go out and have a good time. Try to enjoy being single. When the time is right, you will find someone new (or the right distraction) and then you can go from there.
In the Meantime:
Whether you have been seeing your ex or not, it’s time to move on, baby.
At some point, you have to pick YOURSELF up and get on with your life because no one else is going to do it for you. Don’t let someone else dictate to you how happy or sad you will be. Don’t let a mean text or run-in with your ex ruin your weekend.
Try these things to help improve your situation:
- Join a club or organization to help take your mind off of your ex and your past relationship. If you start doing things that make you happy, you will feel better about yourself and your life. You will meet new people who share your interests and you will make new friends. All of the aforementioned can lead you into a new relationship with someone better than your ex.
- Hit the gym, take a class, or do some volunteer work; anything to not only distract you, but to help make you a better person (physically, mentally, spiritually). The more improved you find yourself, the more positive energy you will give off and feel within yourself.
- Don’t sit around in your dorm room crying about this. Pick up a book, buy a collection of your favorite DVD’s, or start hitting the books. Be thankful for the things in your life that you do have: wonderful parents, great friends, and the opportunity to score a stellar education.