It’s perfectly natural to have a parent that shows care and concern for their child, no matter how hold they get.
In fact, I would be more concerned if the parent showed a lack of care and concern for their children. It’s perfectly natural that as the child grows up the parent(s) become a bit afraid over the fact that their little boy or girl is growing up. To them, it means that you are growing up and they can’t protect you from everything. Now in many cases this is a normal thing to go through with any parent-child relationship. A lot of 20 somethings have to deal with this issue.
What happens when the 20 something normalcy becomes unhealthy or unnatural?
This is something that happens to a lot of parents when they send their kids off to school. They are fearful of what might happen, but my point is that they can’t live their life in fear for the rest of their life. Their child will grow up and face difficulties of their own. They will fall on their face and need to pick themselves back up again, but the kids are the ones who need to clean up their mess and the chaos that they create. This is especially important when they head off to college.
What if the parents can’t do this?
What happens when the controlling behavior turns into out-of-control behavior? The first thing you will need to do is accept the fact that it has nothing to do with you. I know it’s difficult to assess, but their problems are not YOUR problems. So, don’t make them your problems. For those of you ladies and gentleman that have domineering parents, there are a few things that you can do.
Don’t let them
-This controlling behavior is something that is triggered by what they have been through. So be assured that it has nothing to do with you. Your parent(s) have some deep-seeded psychological trauma that they need to work out. Unfortunately, they are placing the blame on you.
As problems arise concerning them, separate yourself emotionally. The sooner you learn to separate yourself from this behavior the happier you will be. The less stress you will have on your plate. Controlling parents bring more stress to the table, so the sooner you learn to separate yourself from them emotionally, the better it will be.
Talk to someone
See a doctor about it. There are plenty of resources available on-campus, so check them out. If you can talk to your parents about this, tell them how you feel. But as you do this, be sure that they are really hearing you.
Call their bluff
Be sure that they are not just blowing smoke to please you. Many controlling parents will do this to their kids. That is their way of staying in control of the situation. Many controlling parents have fear coming from within. This may also be brought out when you bring this behavior to their attention, so expect that this might happen. That is why you need to see that they are really listening to you, and not just giving you lip service.
Learn to separate yourself physically from them. If it gets to be too much, give yourself permission to remove yourself from an unhealthy environment. If you are away at college, this is more easily done. Don’t give them permission to continue. If it really gets to be too much, give yourself permission to not see or talk to them for a while. This may be the only way for them to wake up and smell the coffee.
The controlling parent is about them, not you. Don’t let their fears control your life, the way it does theirs.