College Relationship Advice: Are You Acting Like a Mother, Not a Partner?

This is a touchy subject for some, but one that ultimately needs to be addressed.

When we get involved with somone we tend to be loving and caring. We comfort our partner when they are sick. We dote on them.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

As soon as we become an exclusive item, that normal and healthy nurturing becomes bossy and controlling. I hate to say it ladies, but we do tend to make that mistake.

When did we become our mothers?

If you are raised with a doting mother, they tend to take care of their sons and daughters. They tend to protect them and look out for them. Sometimes that protection can become overbearing.  If you are like most kids, that tends to wear thin and at some point you want to distance yourself as far away from that as possible.

Is it true that most men end up marrying their mothers? Well to a larger extent, no, not really. But there are some men who do. And that is why you need to be careful that you are not taking on the traits of your mother, and not even realizing it.

College relationship advice: Ask yourself a few of these questions:

• Do you keep an eye on what your boyfriend is doing?
• Do you have a tendency to notice his flaws and not your own?
• Do you have a tendency to smother him with love and affection, to the point where he needs time away?

Ladies, this man is your boyfriend and partner, not your child. I mean it’s only natural for many of us to have the mothering instinct within us. If some of you grew up without a mother, it may ill that void that comes from within, but he will get sick of it.

The whole mothering thing in small doses, may be cute and adorable. If you continue to act that way, he will begin to speak his mind about it.

He will tell you in no uncertain terms: Stop smothering me.

Please don’t let it get that far.

Your boyfriend is not seeking someone to nag at him or yell at him for what he is not doing. He has his mother for that already. What he needs from you is love, support and independence. If he really wants to be treated like a grownup than you need to give him the space to achieve that goal. Let him live his life. If he falls… he falls.

For some men out there, their mothers never allowed them the chance to grow up. Their mothers coddled and sheltered them from the real world. They did it for far too long. Your boyfriend may be suffering because of that. Because of that they continue to make the same mistakes. If you continue to coddle him, than he will not grow. It will force you to grow too.

Give him the chance to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Believe me, he will appreciate you more later on for that.

Remember, you are his lover, friend, and partner… not his mother. He already has one! He does not need another!