So, let’s talk about relationships for a second. Or more specifically, bad, toxic relationships that you remain stagnant in for longer than you should; and you realize it’s awful on various levels while you’re trapped inside, and you’re screaming at yourself for not doing anything about it, but it’s like you’re in a sound-proof room and the desperate, pleading, frustrated cries never reach beyond the proverbial four walls (I’m just assuming it’s your standard, four-walled, sound-proof room) , so what you’re telling yourself never truly resonates.
I’m sorry. That was kind of heavy.
But if you’ve ever been there, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Or so I hope.
You remain trapped because of the classic scenario of the misalignment of expectation and reality; what you so desperately want to happen, and how you imagined something would be, doesn’t reflect what’s actually going on. And it’s heartbreaking. And debilitating. And in some cases, embarrassing. So you tell people you’re fine, even though every vein, every artery is filled with pain, and you feel like an angry cat is constantly scratching at your insides as it does a door frame. The emotion wants to be set free, but you keep it trapped inside, along with your own screaming voice telling you that you know better and that you deserve better. I hope that’s a clear enough picture. Moving on.
Being emotionally abused and manipulated means that how you truly feel isn’t being acknowledged or taken seriously, and what you think is being twisted by another, to the point where you’re made to think you’re crazy. If I saw or heard about something that my ex-boyfriend did involving another girl, and then would go and calmly confront him about it, he would deflect everything I was saying, twist it, turn it, get an attitude, to the point where I was the one crying and apologizing for bringing it up, and asking for forgiveness. Thinking back on it now, I truly can’t believe how messed up this was and how small it made me feel. But, you can’t change the past, and now I know to never let someone make me feel that way again. I know the difference between wanting to talk to someone all the time out of truly loving them and feeling ignited from the inside because they’re in your life, and wanting to talk to someone all the time because you don’t trust them, and thinking that if you talk to them all the time, they won’t have a chance to cheat on you. Word of advice: if someone has the character to cheat on you and has thought about it, nothing will stop them from doing so.
You’re going to have relationships in college.
You may even find your future husband/wife/partner. But, you may also have horrible relationships that hurt, yet teach you exactly what you don’t want. This will probably happen even once you’re out of college, as well. But, it’s important to tell you that you don’t have to and you shouldn’t, let it get that bad. I understand that it’s hard to tell people what to do when it comes to matters of the heart, and that most people need to figure things out for themselves. I’m not saying to not give someone a chance if you at all want to. Trying and failing is a necessary part of life and human growth and understanding. I’m just saying, and advising, to not let yourself get manipulated when you’re in a relationship, or let it get to the point where it’s damaging your health in any way: mental, physical, or emotional.
If you’re being treated poorly, try to recognize that you are, and actively do something about it. Stand up for yourself, and realize that they’re the a**holes. I know from experience that this is extremely difficult, but it’s not impossible. Your very presence in college shows that you’re accomplished, intelligent, capable, and ambitious, and you don’t need someone in your life who makes you feel like anything less than amazing. No one deserves to be made to feel as though they’re the dirt stuck in someone’s work boots.
One of the toughest challenges as a parent is too allow your child to, as you succinctly put it, experience the pain you describe when you KNOW they are hurting. Character is sometimes defined as how people react to failure. Learning from mistakes and having the courage to accept that, is essential to moving forward. Your advice is sound and in this “Circle of Life” that we experience, it is important for students to grow into what will be the next generation of parents as prepared as possible. Good job, Poopsie!!
Great article. I could relate Abuse is no laughing matter and no one should have to deal with it. Thanks for writing this!